Finding a Purpose in Folding Clothes
We have two little expenditures, otherwise known as children, running around our house who are a delight, a joy, and a blessing. And those are just the compliments I get from the manufacturer of our laundry detergent. Trendy clothing stores like them; ‘tween jewelry shops love them; and their favorite ice cream parlor sends them birthday cards that include coupons for free cones.
Yes, since having children my life has changed significantly.
I am not complaining. The significant changes are for the better. I just never expected that those existential life upgrades would include so much laundry. Because so much of my daily condition revolves around a laundry basket, I thought I’d try to discover meaning in it Add value to it. Attempt a critical examination, if you will.
Being a lifelong horsewoman, I’ve spent an insanely large amount of time at the business end of a pitchfork. Stall cleaning is a rite of passage in the horse world, and after more than 30 years of having equines included within my immediate personal bubble, I’ve cleaned a lot of them. Over time, I’ve learned to make excellent use of the early morning hours that I spend stall picking, bale throwing and tank scrubbing. It’s my only quiet time of the day, and I recommend it for mind-clearing contemplation.
Yes, 45 minutes of barn chores in the fresh air at dawn keep momma happy.
‘Cause we all know that when momma ain’t happy, the laundry is sure to pile up.
While the stall cleaning is a welcome ritual; by contrast, the laundry is not. Yesterday, I sat down with another overflowing basket in pre-fold mode: Mismatched socks, freshly bleached top-dresser-drawer items, Valentine’s Day towels, and Aeropostle extra-small t-shirts. (Side note: Yes, I said “Valentine’s Day towels.” Got a batch for the February holiday that celebrates romance. Wait for a future blog post on that!)
Anyhoo, in keeping with the spirit of this column and this blog, I thought I’d try to examine the laundry and its accoutrements such as basket, machine and detergent, to determine whether any or all have been used within a theatrical or entertainment context.
Ah ha! Now that was a challenge that’s worthy of distraction!
It was a critical brainteaser that I could tackle while I paired plaid argyle with tube (will the kids really notice?), and folded XXL sweaters – oops! Well, they were extra, extra large … perhaps they’ll stretch? No matter, we’re all trying to lose weight anyway.
In any case, at first the obvious came to mind. “Frasier” and Daphne, the sitcom’s physical therapist character. Daphne often was seen walking through the apartment while carrying a laundry basket. The character always has been an anomaly to me. She was an educated therapist who mysteriously also worked as a housekeeper. She cooked, cleaned, walked the dog, AND offered deep-tissue massages while also performing laundry duties! If we somehow could get a Superemployee like that working in this house, then I’d consider myself the luckiest gal in the world.
However, my initial examination of clothes and basket as a significant story factor falls short. Daphne’s laundry basket never was a plot device, just a prop.
Next, I contemplated a frequent theatrical scenario: The sudsy, overloaded washing machine as protagonist-hero foil. Think Michael Keaton as “Mr. Mom.” Upon losing his job and becoming a stay-at-home dad, he attempts household duties with predictable results. He and the aggressive washing machine come to blows in the basement while deliverymen and a crying baby wreak havoc upstairs. Funny, but not unusual.
Next, there’s the myriad of cartoon characters who make use of a handy clothesline full of aprons or breezy nightgowns. Now, these qualify as character enhancers! Who doesn’t love to see the giant Foghorn Leghorn in a dress? These moments definitely are plot changing and significant.
Now we’re getting somewhere.
Something kept poking at me. A pen stuck in the pocket of a pair of jeans I was folding? No, it was a thought, a breakthrough moment. A childhood memory. My favorite show. An after school ritual: The Brady Bunch, specifically Housekeeper Alice and an episode titled “The Great Earring Caper.”
If memory serves, Carol’s earrings mysteriously disappeared. Children, parents and housekeeper retraced their steps through the house … voila! A laundry basket emerges as a significant plot device! Jan tried on the earrings in secret, then hid them under a towel in their Jack-and-Jill bathroom to avoid discovery. Shortly after, Alice walked in and slid the towel (and hidden earrings) into her laundry basket. Then, knowing that she’d been told to let the children clean up after themselves, she replaced the towel on the counter and left the bathroom with the earrings still in the basket!
The family races to the laundry room and, alas, the load that Alice had been carrying, which contained the earrings, had been washed. Carol’s ruined baubles were found in the machine. But Jan is remorseful, a lesson is learned, and peace is restored in the Brady household upon the show’s conclusion.
Finally, I’d found what I was looking for: Laundry had served a moral purpose as revealed in Jan’s confession of sorrow and her resulting redemption.
As I finished the last of my folding duties for the day, the most famous laundry-centric scene of them all came to mind. To me, it was the granddaddy of them all: The scene was as bright as bleach, and the writer’s wit as quick as my trusty machine’s “spin” cycle.
Who could forget Sir John Falstaff’s hilarious turn in a hamper and his ensuing tumble into the River Thames? In “The Merry Wives of Windsor,” the notorious rogue Falstaff attempts to seduce Mistresses Page and Ford as a way to gain financial fortune. His ruse is discovered by the women, who hatch a plot to cover him with “foul linen” and have him dumped in the water. Jolly good fun ensues, and Queen Elizabeth, who purportedly had asked Shakespeare to write a play featuring Falstaff, surely must have ditched her stony visage and enjoyed a few chuckles with the plain ol’ folks.
That’s it! Laundry as the great equalizer! Whether royal or common, husband or wife, parent or child, Democrat or Republican, Packer or Bear, Donald Trump or everybody else, humor can be found in a rakish windbag being tricked into taking a turn in a pile of dirty old sheets.
All of God’s creation can appreciate it. Suddenly, I wanted to sit up straight and take a little more pride in the job I was doing. Though the sun never sets on the laundry-mountain empire that has overtaken my basement, the job of keeping clean the family garments has inherent merit and unquestionable value. (And only a fool wouldn’t be grateful for an empty drawer being stocked every day with fresh socks and clean shirts by the hand that rocks the cradle.)
Laundry? It’s a noble pursuit.
As far as I’m concerned, the hand the folds the towels can entertain the world