Text messages from the other day: Me: "I'm texting you from my new iPhone!" My wife: "Oh no!" Me: "What?" My wife: "Nothing. "Oh no!" is just the first thing that came to mind." Yeah, as much as I hate to say it, she knows me well. :)

I have figured out why babies begin life so cute. It's to prevent you from selling them to the highest bidder on eBay. I know. You can't really sell a baby on eBay. Not unless you use the secret baby selling code words. Even then, make sure you check their feedback rating (A+++ seller, "package"...

OK. Here's where I fess up: I am the worst handyman on the planet. While I rock at fixing anything with electrons coursing through it, I am helpless when it comes to "Man Stuff". Seriously. The last time I had a flat tire, I called AAA to come and fix it. The Manly Man pulls up and says...